Is Texture Discrimination Real in the Natural Hair Community? Yes!

Okay so about a month ago, a popular Youtuber named Jouelzy made a video (the video above) about being over the natural hair community and texture discrimination. She was basically saying that she provides valuable information and quality videos and has 80,000 subscribers and doesn’t get any shine from hair companies or hair events. She says she sees girls with half the amount of subscribers and half the amount of views she has get plenty of love. Why? Her theory is because they have the pretty, mixed girl, soft, bouncy hair with the baby hairs while Jouelzy has 4c kinky hair that doesn’t shine, bounce, or curl at all.

(Disclaimer: 3a-3c hair is hair that has some curl to it. Think of Tracey Ellis Ross. She has 3c hair. 3a and 3b hair is basically just a little curlier than hers. Picture you wet your hair. How it’s curly and straight and thin? THat’s 3a and 3b hair. 4a hair is kinky hair but it still has some curl to it but ‘ts still hard to manage. 4c hair is what people might call nappy hair. It’s hard to comb through, it’s hard to do anything with. It’s like Lupita’s hair. ALso, curly hair is any hair that has a curl to it. Kinky hair is nappy hair, hair that has no curl in it whatsoever.)

This video sparked a lot of debate and a lot of responses from other vloggers and bloggers. Some agreed and some didn’t. One who didn’t was a very very other popular vlogger named Taren Guy (This is Taren’s response ) on the topic and they broke it down for me much better. So I went back to Jouelzy’s video with the knowledge I learned from them and completely understood and agreed with what she was saying. So, thumbs up to Joulezy!

Yesterday I believe, Taren uploaded her response to the topic. While the title of the video was “natural hair boxes is bullshit” I think her video was a bunch of bullshit. She sounded like the defensive light skin curly haired girl who didn’t get it. First of all WE black people didn’t create the light skin vs dark skin thing, so don’t put that on us. It was a tool created to divide us that we adopted from slavery, just like so many other things adopted from slavery. Also saying “it doesn’t matter” is bullshit. No, colorism is live and real and it does matter to some. Should it matter? Absolutely not! But it does and saying it doesn’t is not helping anything. Also, I believe natural hair boxes can be very useful. It’s no problem with identifying yourself as curly haired or kinky haired. Because what happens is, sometimes a kinky haired girl might think she has curly hair or might not understand that curly hair and kinky hair doesn’t do the same thing and you need to follow what a kinky hared girl does if you want to achieve a look because she can help you more because her hair is more like yours. And not enough curly girls say that in their videos. They usually deem what they are doing as universal when it’s not. Certain things work better for certain textures. So no realizing that natural hair is different for a lot of people is important and not doing so can be very confusing. It’s when you put one above the other and deem one as better is where the problem lies. I also kind of agreed on what she said about the media part, but most of it was a bunch of bull. Also when I watched Taren’s earlier video about loving your hair and loving what it naturally does, I agreed with a lot of stuff she was saying but I gave her a side eye because I was like “of course you can say that, it’s easy for you!” I was like it’s easy for you to talk about loving your hair just the way it is when your hair is naturally curly, shiny bouncy, and socially accepted. It’s easy for you to say love your hair without manipluatling it and love it without a style when you don’t have to style your hair but it looks styled because that’s the way it naturally is! It’s hard for kinky haired girls to accept their shrinkage, and their dryness and roughness and for you to think that they will do that because light skinned mixed chick said so is just ignorant. I understood what she was saying, but a message like that resonates to me much better when it comes from a girl who’s hair is nappy and doesn’t shine and takes 6 hours to wash and detangle and isn’t socially accepted.

Okay so now my thoughts about “is their texture discrimination in the natural hair community.” Well I don’t think I’m apart of that community, I honestly don’t know how you become a part of it. But I’m heavy into natural hair on Youtube and natural hair in real life and in the media. So is their texture discrimination for natural hair period? I would say YES!
As far as Youtube goes, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the light skin, mixed girl with super easy, super curly hair, with a boring personality, lackluster videos, and unoriginal content but she has 100,000 subscribers with like 80 videos. Meanwhile, dark skinned 4c sister over here with valuable information, great personality, and original content almost gets no love. I just sit there like really? How is that possible? it’s possible because mixed girl’s hair is pretty. It’s pretty from beginning to end. It’s easy to comb through, it’s easy to style, it’s just easy. No one wants to look at home girl with the 4c hair, that’s dry from the start, that’s shrinked up, and is hard to comb through and looks short and has to stretch her hair just to get some length. No one wants to see that not even 4c girls. It’s not pretty. I’m not saying 4c hair isn’t pretty because I love it, but the overall view point of other people is it’s not pretty. You know why I say that? Because most naturals don’t have 3a-3c hair, but those girls get most of the attention. So I know people who don’t even have 3 hair watch them religiously, but hardly anyone watches the 4c girl. And it’s okay to watch girls with different hair than you because you can learn something from people who don’t have the same texture as you, but if you can watch girls with looser textures than you, why can’t you watch girls with tighter textures than you?

Also the media. The media portrays natural hair as super curly, super big, super shiny hair when that’s not what everyone’s hair looks like. I mean I see products and they advertise girls like that on the packaging and I don’t buy it because I know those products weren’t made for me and won’t work on my hair. The kinky haired girls hardly get any love in the media. But Taren made a great point about this. She basically said stop complaining about the media and be the representation you want to see. She said that a few years ago, companies weren’t making products for natural hair but now they are which is true. She said the media gives us what they think we want so you can’t blame the media, you have to make an effort to be what you want to see. I agree with that, but here’s the catch. Black girls want to see curly hair as the face of natural hair.
Black girls don’t want 4c hair. I know so many girls that went natural that were relieved that their hair wasn’t nappy. I know so many girls that won’t go natural because they don’t want nappy hair. And just in case you are wondering, I am transitioning but I have enough natural hair to say what type I am. I believe most of my hair is curly. It’s a very very tight curly but there’s some curl there and to tell you the truth, I was so happy when I realized that and I still am. I’m cool with big hair that’s hard to comb through that takes a lot to hold moisture but as long as I would have a curl, I would be good. So just because you are natural doesn’t mean you all of a sudden are enlightened and it doesn’t mean that a divide won’t happen in the natural hair community because there is a divide in the black community. So why do you think it won’t happen in the hair community? It was always there it just was never talked about. But now that the community is so big, it had to be brought it.
And the people who brought it up were the kinky haired girls.

Its so funny because on Youtube it’s literally 2 sides. All the kinky haired girls believe there is texture discrimination while all the curly haired girls don’t understand it, they think kinky haired girls are just complaining and think they are being negative. When can’t someone expressing their opinion based off of what they see be just that? Why does it have to be complaining for no reason? I mean so many kinky haired girls see the discrimination so you trying to tell em that they all are just bitter mad black women?
The bottom line is, in society light skin is generally looked at as more appealing than dark skin. Curly hair is looked at as more appealing than kinky hair. Because light skin and curly hair is closer to the European standard of beauty so anything that’s closer to that always wins. That’s the black ass bottom line. So on the flip side to that, dark skin and kinky hair is looked at as less appealing. And yeah you can say that “I think all skin tones and all hair textures are beautiful” mess all you want but your opinion ain’t the only one that matters. Let’s stop trying to hide the hurt and deal with it. Kinky haired girls feel neglected from the natural hair community just like they feel neglected from life. And instead of curly girls getting offensive and trying to dismiss their feelings, you should listen because you might learn something.

Yes their is discrimination. Yes their is a divide. Yes their are problems in the community just like there are problems in every community. Will we solve them? Probably not but talking about them only helps.


Where I Stand With Religion Right Now

Im typing this on my phone so it won’t be long and might have a lot of typos. I got the sudden urge to blog. I usually blog for a purpose and my posts usually have structure but im just sharing my thoughts. 

I’m at a weird place when it comes to religion. Maybe it’s not weird but it feels like it. Im slowly but surely stepping away from religion and going towards spirituality. 

Here’s some background on religion in my life. For a good portion of my childhood,  my mom was Catholic and would go to church off and on.  My grandma was Baptist and would never miss a service.  I never really felt anything when I went to my mom’s Catholic church but LOVED my grandma’s Baptist church. Long story short I started identifying Baptist as my choice of religion. And I kind of still do.

Here’s my thing with religion. I believe in God. I believe in Jesus.  I believe in a bunch of stuff in the Baptist religion. But I dont really believe in the Bible. I dont believe you should live your life based on what a book says. I don’t believe you should strive for perfection. I dont believe God wants you to live by a word. And I don’t believe you will go to heaven that way. Because you know what there are people who do live by the word but are judgemental,  jealous messy people so what is living by the word doing for you? I don’t believe God doesn’t want you to have fun, live your life or not be the person you truly are.

I believe God just wants you to be a good person. Just because that’s the right thing to do. And he knows you will mess up but he just wants you to try. Amd I don’t believe he expects you to pray every day and he knows a lot of people will come to him only when they are in a crisis and forget about him later. He knows this and I dont think its that big of a deal to him. To me, I think all he wants you to do is believe in him and have faith that he knows what’s best for you and he will steer you in the right direction in life. I dont believe he wants you to live your life by a bunch of rules.

And since religion is basically a bunch of rules, that’s why I think im becoming more spiritual. It’s more natural.  To me religion is a buffer or the 3rd party getting into the way of you and God.

It’s funny because anytime I see someone post something that has Jesus in it, im lIle cant you life your life for yourself? Cant you have your own thoughts and base life on your own judgements.  Thats what I believe God wants us to do. 

I know a left a lot out but yeah this was just suppose to be quick. And you might not agree with me and thats okay but this is just where im at in life.

P.S. He should be capitalized but I didnt feel like doing all that.

Reasons Why I Don’t Watch Scandal Anymore

Is this thing on? I’ve been gone for so long I forgot my password. I might write two posts today since I don’t know when I’m going to be inspired again to write. But anyways……

Anyone who knows me knows I use to love Scandal. I would always talk about it to anyone who listened. I put a lot of people on the show. I think I started watching it when the beginning of the second season started airing. I searched the show on the internet, watched the first season and got caught up. I couldn’t get enough of it. I was a fan of Olitz (Olivia and Fitz). I shipped them so hard. I fell for the “they love each other, it’s true love, Mellie doesn’t care” crap. They were one of the biggest reasons why I watched the show. I also loved how powerful and fearless Olivia and her team were. Every week they would solve these impossible tasks and everything would work out. Olivia was this beautiful, strong, powerful, smart, well dressed black woman and I just loved everything about her. I never seen anything like Scandal on TV before. I was hooked. But that was before. That was season 1 and 2. This 3rd season…..

I believe the third season started sometime in October and I couldn’t wait. I was counting down the days. And the day finally came. I don’t remember too much about the premiere, but I think I left satisfied. It was all good. But as we started getting deeper into the show, I saw myself being unsatisfied. I felt myself becoming more and more uninterested. I wouldn’t rush to my computer to watch it the very next morning on my computer (I don’t have a TV in my dorm). And I didn’t care that I was missing it because I felt like I wasn’t missing much. But when I went home for the winter break, I took a day to catch up on about 5 episodes and they were a waste of time. 

Scandal use to primarily be about Olivia and her team solving a crisis every week. That was the main plot. The second plot was her affair with the President and some other scandal with Cyrus or someone else on the show. Now the tables have turned. The show is all about the affair, something Cyrus did or something Huck did. It’s all mess. They don’t even show Olivia and her team anymore. Everything and everyone has fell apart and it’s not pleasing to watch. I’m not satisfied. It’s okay for the moment and it had a lot of shock value, but it’s not as good as it use to be. They have these big omg moments every episode. Every episode feels like a finale and it feels like they are trying to outdo themselves every week and every episode doesn’t tie in to the previous ones.

Also, they refuse to give Harrison a story line. Why? I mean a real story line. But then again, I don’t really know maybe they have since I stopped watching it two episodes ago, but it’s getting ridiculous. The most sane person on the show doesn’t have a story line and we don’t know his back story.

But my biggest problem with this show is the affair. Like I said I was all here for Olivia and Fitz in the beginning. two beautiful strong powerful people who were in love with each other. I felt like Olivia unlike Mellie was on Fitz’s level and that’s why he loved her so much. They couldn’t help them selves and I said to myself I pray to God someone loves me the way Fitz loves Olivia. But now, my opinion has taken a complete 180. I can’t stand Olitz. They are getting on my damn nerves. Every time it seems like they are about to be together, something happens. And that use to be entertaining. That use to be enough. I understood why it was happening, you have to keep everything interesting. But we are in the 3rd season all this back and forth shit is for the birds. It seems never ending. Are they ever going to get together? If not, what’s the point of the show. I mean if they are going to stop seeing each other than do that! Just come to a conclusion. Also, I don’t believe what they have is true love and I don’t believe they would work outside of an affair.. I believe they are both lost damaged souls that need to work on themselves first. Fitz always talks about how Olivia is everything and how he would give up everything just to be with her. A lot of people look at that as romantic and say it’s true love but I don’t think so. Because what will happen is Olivia is going to be expected to give up everything for him and she has been in a position where it was him or her career and she chose her career. First of all, one person shouldn’t be your everything. You shouldn’t have to give up everything for a person. You shouldn’t have to give up your career, something you worked so hard for. Love shouldn’t challenge what you find in your career. You should be able to have your career and love. If you choose love, you’re going to wind up resenting that other person. I also don’t think Fitz really loves Olivia because they aren’t even in a real relationship. They only see each other for a few hours or a day at a time. that’s not a real relationship. How do they know it’s even going to work? They don’t. I also don’t want people to think I’m just putting all the blame on Fitz because I’m not. I also don’t want people to fall for that “well Mellie is okay with it” shit. Mellie is not okay with it and just because someone lets you get away with doing wrong doesn’t mean you should do it. All three of them are lost damaged souls. They all have a distorted view of love. This affair is all their faults.

I also don’t believe Fitz loves Olivia as much as he says he does. Giving up shit that you don’t want or aren’t doing a good job at isn’t hard. He makes it seem like he’s giving up so much but he doesn’t even want to be president to begin with. He just makes it seem like he’s giving it up for Olivia. I also agree with what Olivia’s dad said about Fitz earlier in the season. Olivia is Fitz’s escape. When he’s with Mellie he has to be this person that people expect him to be. This politician. This person in power. He has to face everything and everyone. With Olivia he doesn’t have to do that. You might call it “being himself” but I call it running from his problems. He can be a regular old person with Olivia. She’s his escape. There isn’t much pressure. That’s why he wants to be with her so much and that isn’t love to me. 

Another problem I have with the show is Olivia. The character herself is annoying now. She’s always crying or doing this lip quiver. She’s off her game. She’s sooo damaged it’s not even entertaining to watch. She has mommy issues, daddy issues, self worth issues the whole works. Shonda (the show’s creator and head writer) and Kerry Washington say all this stuff about how they write this stuff for her to make her seem real. All this shit doesn’t make her seem real it makes her seem weak. The affair makes her look weak and stupid. Another weak women, America! I don’t know about any one else, but I started watching this show to see a strong black smart woman do her thing. I didn’t tune in to see that women unravel into a mess. That’s not interesting to watch, it’s pathetic!

I feel like this has became a rant so I’m going to stop. I stopped watching the show maybe 3 episodes ago and I honestly don’t miss. I’ve been getting into some other shows to replace Scandal. I heard people talk about a show called House of Cards that’s kind of on the same wavelength as Scandal and I might check it out. 

I use to be a huge fan but they’ve lost me forever. I see a lot of people on Twitter talk about how they don’t like the show but they still watch it and I don’t get it. I don’t get sticking it out for a show. Give it a few chances but you aren’t obligated to continue watching especially when there are so many other good shows out there to watch. The show’s writers have an obligation to the audience to make good material and that’s it. So if you feel the way I do, you can stop watching if you want to. Maybe the ratings will drop and they’ll fix the problems. Maybe they won’t. I don’t know. I just know they lost me.



The Differences Between Cute, Pretty, Sexy & Beautiful

Love this. Apparently I’m sexy and pretty. Ayeeee. But I don’t get offended when someone says I’m cute even though this posts is basically saying I should.

Thought Catalog

Dictionary definition:

Cute: Attractive in a pretty or endearing way.

Sexually attractive or exciting.

Attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.

Pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically.

Urban dictionary definition:

Cute: A girl who is lovely and dreamy and cuddly and shy and beautiful and awwww *drools*

Sexy: Supposed to mean sexually attractive, however recently it has become a word of ambiguous meaning that morons use when unable to think of a better adjective for something they like.

Pretty: 1.)A girl who has physical appeals that attracts a guy.
2.)A girl can also be pretty inside in her feelings in her beliefs.

Beautiful is a woman who has a distinctive personality, one who can laugh at anything, including themselves, who is especially kind and caring to others. She is a woman who above all else knows the value of having fun, and…

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A Black Woman’s Thoughts on Black Men Dating White Women 

Is this thing on? I haven’t been on here in forever. College just started so I’m going to be less dedicated to this blog. But whatever I’m not here to talk about me.

I was on Twitter a few days ago and saw a link to an article (link is above) called “A White Woman’s Opinion On Black Men Not Dating Black Women.” Okay first of all that was a long ass title (now I realize my title is just as long lol). But the article starts off by this white women writing a letter to Sister 2 Sister magazine, saying how she’s married to a black man and he picked her because “because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.” She goes on to say whenever her and her husband go out she gets rude looks by black women and she doesn’t understand why. She says black men are constantly approaching her, wanting to wine and dine her and if black women were so mad about this, then they should make some changes about themselves and blah blah blah the same white women bullshit that we always hear. In my opinion this lady was way too disrespectful for my taste.

So a black man responded to her and goes on to explain why he thinks black men date white women. He basically says black men date white women because they are easier to sleep with and easier to control. He says black men are afraid of a black women’s strength and fear that she will become more successful than them. He goes on to say he loves a strong, nurturing, and spiritual woman which is why he dates and loves black women and couldn’t see himself with any other race of women.

So now that I summed that up for you, let me put my 2 cents in.

Dear world,

First of all, I have no problem with interracial dating, specifically black men white women since that’s what we are talking about. Hell, I would DEFINITELY date a white or Hispanic guy in a heartbeat if I found one that was perfect for me. And most black women don’t have a problem with interracial dating either, despite how the media tries to portray us. We have a problem with WHY you date white women.

If you just were going through life and happen to meet a white woman and fall in love and you start a family and it’s just the most natural thing ever, that’s cool. Do you boo! But if you were going through life dating black women that whole time, come up in the world whatever kind of way, and get a white women because you feel like since your life upgraded you have to upgrade in the woman department too (as if upgrading means switching races), that’s what I have a problem with. If you date white women only because they are easier to control, suck dick more often, and don’t complain as much, that’s what I have a problem with.

First of all, all black women aren’t “strong”,  loud, annoying and less easier to control. How many black women you know let their man walk all over them and don’t stand up for themselves? There’s lots of them in case you didn’t know. And all white women aren’t “weak” either. I’ve met quite a few white women that don’t take any shit. But we aren’t talking about facts really, we are talking more about ideas and how these ideas translate into actions.

The idea that you want a women that’s easier to control doesn’t make any sense to me. The fact that you wan’t someone who’s easier to have sex with doesn’t make any sense to me. And lastly, the fact that these white women look at these things as compliments doesn’t make any sense to me. The disrespectful shit that white woman said about black women came from some black man. It didn’t come out the air. That man is downing black women so much and that white women takes it as the truth. She passes it on to her white friends and family and she has this distorted view of black women and she thinks since she got it from a black man then it has to be the truth right? Wrong. That’s the part that hurts the most for me.

The strong trait we black women have is a gift and a curse. Since the beginning of slavery we were forced to be strong. We held everything together. We were the mistresses, the maids, the cooks, the mothers, the everything. We didn’t have a choice. White women didn’t do shit but sit there and look pretty. The black women one of the most forgotten about (THE most forgotten about IMO) and most mistreated group. We are constantly told we aren’t good or pretty enough. Our hair and our skin are disgusting. The lighter and curlier the better. Don’t let us try to get weave. Even that’s not good enough. It has to be natural. Dark skin is cool for men, but not for women. During slavery and even now. So just like most traditions in the slavery time period, that strong character trait was instilled in us and we still carry it because even though slavery ended we still faced bullshit, even today. So that strength has been coupled with anger because if you were the most mistreated group of people wouldn’t that infuse anger in you? Yes we are mad, we are mad as hell and we should have the right to be mad. But we can’t. We have to forget about that and act like nothing’s wrong. We have to smile all the fucking time and God forbid we just have a normal look on our face. We are now the “angry black woman”.On top of the whole world being against us, you mean to tell me the black man can’t even relate? He can’t even understand where we are coming from? He doesn’t want to know where that anger comes from, he just doesn’t want to have anything to with it and turns his back on us. Obviously all black men don’t do this, just some do. Instead of realizing that that strong character trait could come in handy and has come in handy and is the reason why he’s survived this long, he goes and gets a white women because she’s suppose to make his life easier. I’m not with that bullshit.

Also after slavery, we still were everyone’s everything, especially the single mothers. At a certain point in time, black men starting leaving their families (for whatever reason) or gets the woman pregnant and leaves her alone the black woman is left alone to take care of the family herself. She doesn’t have time to cry and be weak and when she does, she hides it. She has to be strong and provide for hers. Being as this man left her, she doesn’t want to let anyone else in. She puts up a wall and doesn’t know how to be less independent because she had to be independent for so long. White feminist talk about independence as something they fight for. For so long independence was something black women had no choice but to accept. So while our strength can be a good thing and come in handy and has came in handy, it can also be a curse and get in the way. That’s something we have to work on, but it’s also something that black men have to work on with us because they played a part in creating that problem for so long.

I feel like all the reasons why black men want to date white women are insulting to both races and that’s the reason why black women are mad. We raised you. We’ve been there for you forever and will continue to. There are a lot of terrible black men out there for a number of reasons, but the “good ones” want to go be with a white one? Well what are we left with? All the white men in the world and you want to take the few good ones left for superficial reasons and he only wants you for superficial reasons (obviously I’m not talking about all white women and black men). It’s like black men don’t even want to have that conversation about how wrong they are and they don’t understand our anger and pain and don’t want to understand it. They just brush us off as hating and being “angry black women.”

Like I said before I would date interracially,  but it has to be for the right reasons. If I started dating a white or Hispanic guy and ask him why he likes black women and he says something disrespectful, that’s the last time we are talking. It’s okay if you like our hair and skin because they are unique and society tells you that it isn’t beautiful but you somehow find the beauty in it anyways. It’s okay to like our strength and sass and loyalty because we do have those traits. Those are great traits. But if you give a sexual reason or go on to list reasons why you hate white women and white people, then I’m not interested anymore. We can’t talk. That’s not attractive.

I also know that some white men say they like black women’s sass and strength and the “I’m not going to put up with your bullshit” trait. I don’t understand how one race loves what another race doesn’t. Maybe the opposites attract thing.

I’ve also noticed another thing. A lot of times when I see black men with white women, it’s the trashiest white women. They are fat and nasty and look like women that even white men don’t want. They look like throw aways. It’s like those black men just want a white women so bad they they will take anything. But when I see a white man with a black women a lot of the times, they are the highest quality of women. They are beautiful, have their shit together, most likely met and work and it’s a natural connection. It’s not superficial a lot of times.

Like I said before we aren’t mad at black men dating white women, we are mad at the reasons. Reasons that white women should be offended by. Open your fucking eyes. Realize the truth and stop getting your information from black men that probably hate themselves and their own race. Stop being disrespectful and stop letting them disrespect you. If you had more conversations with black women you would realize the truth, not the bullshit your man and the media tries to feed you.

Signed, A black woman who sick of disrespectful interracial couples

P.S. Sorry for it being so long I had a lot to say.

7 Dating Trends That Should Stop Immediately

I like this and I”m guilty of doing some. We all are.

Thought Catalog

1. Making a conscious effort to show how much less you can care than the other person.

There’s a game commonly being played in the dating world called, I’m Going To Prove That You’re Into This WAY More Than I Am. It’s kind of like peekaboo but you’re the grown up, the other person is the baby and the objective is to meet their excitement with high levels of disinterest when your face pops into view.

I know this is a defense mechanism that people utilize as a way of proceeding with caution and protecting themselves, but if you think about it there’s no real benefit. Purposely taking long to respond to texts, waiting an extra day to return calls, being nonchalant and whatever about spending time together – these things will only fill the other person with doubt. Then, even if it doesn’t work out, regardless of the…

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New Year Goals Instead of Resolutions

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Today is the first day of 2014 and the popular thing to do when a new year starts is to make New Year’s Resolutions, and I use to make them for fun and most people, I never stuck with them. But then I realized, I’m not going to make resolutions, I’m going to create goals for myself to accomplish because goals are much more serious and doesn’t feel like I’m playing a game kind of like how resolutions feel. In about two weeks, I’m going back to college so I’ve created 5 goals that focus around college and that are challenging but easy enough to achieve. Okay, so here goes my list.

1. Make honor roll this semester.

2. Find an organization to join.

3. Find a boyfriend and make it last.

4. Go out more and find more friends.

5. Build a stronger relationship with Christ and find a support system who has a relationship with him, but won’t judge me for the mistakes that a person who doesn’t have all the answers and still is learning will make.

I feel like this isn’t too long of a list. It’s just enough for me. I encourage everyone to make goals instead of resolutions. And the beautiful thing about making a goal list is you don’t have to wait until New Year and it’s never too late to start one. Try it. Promise you won’t regret it.

Jay Z Isn’t Trustworthy and Authentic Anymore?

I was on Twitter today (if you notice that’s where most of my inspiration to write comes from) and I saw a link (the link is attached to this post at the end of this post) to an article titled “Jay Z’s Brand is Suffering Because People Don’t Trust Him”. I kind of got offended and defensive immediately because Jay Z is my favorite rapper and it’s hard to take criticism about your favorite artists. So I ignored it. But then the link came across my timeline again and I judged it before reading it. I tweeted something like “what does that mean people don’t trust Jay Z? How much should I trust a rapper?” But then I realized it was just best for me to read the article and after I did, my opinion completely changed.

The article is basically saying that a celebrity branding expert by the name of Jeetendr Sehdev  ”conducted a survey, and the survey says he is one of the least influential celebrities.” It goes on to say that the survey was taken by people that are 13-30 years old and they didn’t like his Samsung deal. They feel like he’s become too corporate and his art is coming second to his business. They don’t like this which is why they aren’t influenced by him and why he lacks authenticity.

When you break it down like this, it makes sense. I’m a 20 year old college student and I hardly know any college kids my age that want to be like Jay Z or mess with him like that. Yes he is relevant and yes he is popular but his influence is questionable. They are more into the Kendrick Lamars, Drakes, J Cole’s, and even Wiz Khalifahs because they are closer to their age and talk about things they can relate to. Jay Z’s story doesn’t speak to them. They like his songs, but they can’t connect. To them, all he does is talk about money and fancy painters. In my eyes Jay Z is the man they want to be when they are his age, not the man they want to be right now which makes sense because the 20 year old Jay Z probably didn’t want to be the 44 year old Jay Z so why should they want to.

Jay Z saw a lot of criticism when he did the Samsung deal (Samsung bought the first million copies of his last album) and I didn’t really understand it at first because it seemed like a great business idea, but that’s part of the problem. We live in a world where kids respect the independent labels, the do it yourself hustle, and basically the anti-corporation way of doing things. So yeah, that Samsung deal was a great business move, but it wasn’t the greatest artist move. The thing that Jay Z struggles with is being an artist, but being a businessman at the same time. Which one come first? Will he do anything for money? These are relevant questions (not questions that I ask but questions that some ask).

The article then goes on to say “We rarely see this true side of him” and that he’s too closed off. Him being private is something I love about him, but not everyone thinks like me. We live in a social media society where people care about the personals and I think his wife Beyonce found a way to be personal and open at the same time. She did a documentary last year, she always releases behind the scene footage of her concerts or videos and most of all she always uses her tumblr and Instagram to upload pictures. She isn’t on Twitter telling us about her day, but she’s giving us a glimpse of her life in her own way. Does Jay Z need to do this I don’t know but it’s doing nothing but helping Beyonce.

Also another thing that Jay can learn from his wife is her Pepsi deal. She signed a $50 million deal with Pepsi that meant they would basically fund any creative projects that she wanted to do. Instead of her taking their money and endorsing their product (something that she already does with other companies), she took the money to fund her visual album. She made and released this album in a innovative way. She took the money and put it back into a project that people can benefit from. Even if you’re not going to buy it, you benefit from it. Even if you don’t like it, you benefit from it because it gives you something to talk about and it gives you something to look at. Jay’s deal didn’t benefit anyone but himself. And that’s fine I’m not saying it has to benefit anyone else, but Beyonce’s Pepsi deal seems like a better artist deal while Jay’s Samsung deal seemed more like a businessman’s deal.

Jay Z has always been a businessman and came into the game with his own label, he’s had clothing lines and colognes so being a businessman isn’t the problem. I think the problem is that you have to think about these deals and how they will affect you as an artists because that’s what comes first.

Like I said before I like Jay Z and I’m not mad at him being a businessman, get your money boo. But everyone doesn’t think like me. If his plan is to dive deeper into corporate and slowly ease off of being an artist then these deals are great, but if he wants to be an artist much longer, he’s going to need to think about these deals and how they affect him as an artist.

Let me know what you think, I love feedback.

Why Is Degrading Women In (Hip Hop) Music Allowed?

I was on Twitter a few days ago, just reading my timeline, when one guy I follow tweeted “why is it that music that degrades women, girls quote and like it, etc…. but in reality when a nigga says the same thing to them they trip?

When I saw this, I felt compelled to reply since I am a woman and I listen to music so I replied with, “because when it’s in a song, it’s not saying it directly to us, but if you tell me that to my face then yes I will get mad.”

When I said, it made sense and it is something I’ve been feeling my whole life. But then he said, “that don’t make any sense if the rapper is directing it to females as a whole…..”

So I replied by saying “saying something in a song is way different than saying it to someone’s face.”

But then I thought about it. Is it? Because I’m not only a woman, I’m black, I’m young, I’m a college student, I’m an aggie, and I’m a southerner. If someone generalized us and said something negative about any one of those groups I belong to in a song I would surely get mad. It wouldn’t matter if they weren’t speaking directly towards me, they were talking about one of the groups I belong to so I would get mad. If you’re saying it about one of us, you’re saying it about all of us. Maybe that’s not the best reaction, but that would be my reaction.

So why is it that a person can say something about lets say black people and I would get mad, but if a rapper said something about women in a song I would just say “well he isn’t talking about me.”

I thought about it and still haven’t come up with an answer. I suppose women have been told that “it’s no big deal” or “there are some women who act like this and we rappers are talking about those women, but not all.” But how is that so? How are we suppose to know that and why shouldn’t we take it personal. Since the beginning of my time I’ve been taught that what rappers say in songs are just art or just them expressing themselves and if they aren’t talking about me, then I shouldn’t get mad. But if you take a chance and say something derogatory about a group of people, you should expect criticism right? But most rappers don’t even feel like the criticism they get is even justified. Nonetheless, I’ve adopted that “if he’s not talking about me, then I don’t care” way of thinking and haven’t questioned it.

But today, I am questioning it. I don’t listen to rap that much and I really don’t like to listen to music that degrades women because rappers who rap like that aren’t really saying anything I want to hear, but if the song has a good beat and a good chorus, I will push the degradement( I think I just made up that word; whatever it fits) to the side.

I’ve noticed my behavior and realize it’s wrong and it isn’t helping women as a whole by letting men get away with this. I’m not perfect and I’m not gonna promise that I won’t listen to songs that degrade us women, but I am trying. I’m trying to look for the answers and maybe when I find the answers I can then change my behavior. I challenge everyone and especially women to ask themselves “why is it ok for men to degrade women in raps song. Why don’t we get offended?” If you do get offended great, but if you don’t ask yourself why you don’t and try to come up with an answer.

If anyone has any insight they would like to add, leave a comment below. I love getting into intellectual conversations with others. Keep it cute though.