Reasons Why You Should and Shouldn’t Go Natural.

So unless you live under a rock or just don’t have any black female friends, a lot of black women have been going natural lately. A lot. Some are calling it a trend or a fad. When someone called it that at first, I brushed it off, but now that I think about it, is it?

I’ve been on my healthy hair care journey for almost 4 years now and that means I took an “oath” to learn about my hair and to take the necessary steps to properly take care of it and to make it healthy. It took me a year to understand my hair and to find my staple products, but I did it. Some people might think “well don’t black women do all of this already.” Well, most of us don’t. Most just slap a perm on it every 6 weeks and straighten or curl it almost every week. We do things like wash it but most don’t take other steps to make it healthy because a lot of black women don’t necessarily want healthy hair. Ok, they do but that’s not their main priority. They just want to make sure it looks good.

Anyways, my hair is not natural, it’s texlaxed and I decided to do this the second year of my hair care journey. Texlaxed hair is hair that is permed, but not permed bone straight so it’s like you have texture and to me I have the best of both worlds because while it’s curly it’s not hard to manage or comb through. I’ve been texlaxed for maybe 2 years and most of my hair is that way except for the natural part. I use to perm it every six months. My hair was very long, very thick, and healthy. I took great care of it.

When I started doing that to my hair, the natural hair movement didn’t start yet so when I explained what I was doing to my hair to people, they didn’t understand it. Fast forward to about a year or two later, almost every black girl I know is either natural or going natural. I’m at this stage in my journey where I’m finally ready to go fully natural. It was something I decided on my own and something that took a while to decide on. I’ve always wanted to go natural, but by the 6th month of me growing my hair out (I’m too scared to cut it off), it got too coarse to grow it any longer so I would just perm it. A few months ago, I found this really cheap deep conditioner that makes my new growth really soft so I’m now able to manage my natural hair past six months. I now have about 7-8 months of natural hair.

But I get so many people telling me they want to go natural or they want to do what I did to my hair. And a lot of the reasons are so superficial: I want long hair; I want hair that looks like yours; I want hair that looks like [insert who’s ever hair that they admire]. Having a hair inspiration is great, but that shouldn’t be your reason for going natural.

I started my healthy hair care journey because my hair was literally falling out in clumps and I knew I needed to do something about it. I did and while my journey has led me on the natural hair path, it was organic, natural and felt like the best decision for me.

I feel like most black women aren’t going natural for the right reasons and don’t understand what they are getting themselves into. They are following the trend and are doing it because others are doing it and want hair like everyone else. I love seeing so many beautiful black women going back to their natural hair, and if this is a trend, it is one of the best trends ever. But as we all know, trends don’t last forever which is why I hope this isn’t a trend because I want this to be a permanent thing.

If anyone is thinking about going natural, don’t do it because you want hair like the next girl because let me tell you, you will NOT have hair like her. The beautiful thing about us black women is that we are so unique and every women’s hair is different. So I don’t want anyone cutting their hair off and being disappointed because they hate their texture. Being natural is about loving the hair that God gave you, not aspiring to be someone else. Also, don’t do it because you want long hair because hair doesn’t grow fast. You will be waiting and waiting and waiting. Long hair was a goal of mine so when I became obsessed with it, it seemed like when it grew, it was never long enough. When I let that goal go, it felt like time had flew so fast and my hair was down to my back before I knew it.

GO natural because you are tired of perms and want your natural hair. GO natural because you want to start embracing the things that make a black women, a black women. GO natural because you want healthy hair. Find a reason why you want to do it, and make sure it’s concrete so you know you’ll stick with it. Make sure that you are sure of your decision and know you won’t change your mind because once you cut it off, its done. (You don’t have to cut off all your hair to go natural, you can grow it out, but a lot of women rather cut it out).

I’m growing my hair out and I know I will love my natural hair and I can’t wait until all my hair is natural. If you want natural hair too, do your research, find a good enough reason, and join me on this long journey.

P.S. My avatar picture is a picture of my texlaxed hair straight just so you can get and idea of how my hair looks. It’s past my bra strap that’s in the middle of my back (idk what it’s called.)

“Close your legs and shut up.”

I’ve been meaning to write about this but was too lazy to get to it (like a lot of things in my life) until I had a conversation with a friend on Instagram. Beyonce’s fifth album just came out which is amazing and if you haven’t gotten in then bitch what are you waiting on? Anyways her album is really provocative and she’s singing about sex a lot. I mean A LOT. And she’s so descriptive and so unapologetic and a love it.  My friend posted a screenshot of a tweet a girl posted that said “just because Bey decided to talk about her sexcapades doesn’t mean you gotta tell us about yours. She’s married. Close your legs and shut up.” I posted a comment saying how I dont agree with that at ALL. There’s so many things wrong with that tweet. For one, we have to be married to talk about sex? Two who is “us”? Is us the internet? Is us friends? Is it okay to talk about sex to your friends, but not online or are you suppose to keep that to yourself? But “close your legs” is what really got me. That can be taken a number of ways. Close your legs forever? Close your legs if you’re single? Close your legs until you’re in a relationship for a while? What does that mean?

So me and me friend had a little debate in the comment section. Her stance was that Bey is doing singing about sex in a classy way and as long as you’re doing it “right” it’s ok. She also said how she feels this way because when she did talk about sex people ridiculed her so she just stayed off the topic. My stance was I LOOVE when women talk or sing about sex. I LOOOVE it. I love when Bey does it, when Janet Jackson does it, when Nicki Minaj does it, and when Trina does it. I love watching Youtube videos about women talking about their sex lives. It’s something about when a woman talks, raps, or sings about sex. It doesn’t matter if it’s “classy” or not. The dirtier the better in my eyes. If you gonna talk about it, don’t hold back. Talk about it! Hell I wanna learn something.

But I think my friend bought up a good point and is proof of how we condition women and young girls about sex and talking about it. We want to talk about it but are looked down on when we do so we go on and tell other girls not to do it. “Close your legs and shut up.” Now I agree that discretion is needed and posting your nudes on line isn’t cool because you are most likely doing it for attention. But you mean to tell me I can have sex (because I’m told waiting and holding out ain’t gonna get me anywhere) but talking about it is a no? I know that’s the standard and a double standard at that but is it right? I don’t think so. And I’m not gonna follow it just because it’s expected of me.

I for one respect women who can sleep with guys and not feel a way about it. I don’t deem them as hoes. And if you had the best sex with your boyfriend or just anybody I feel like it’s your right to talk about it. We like sex too. We enjoy it too. If you don’t respect it and you don’t want to hear Beyonce singing about Jay-Z eating her out then that’s cool but don’t push your views on every woman and call them a hoe because of their life choices. These standards of being a lady that are put on us by men and then adopted by women who push that idea down other women’s throats is not going to change anything.

Fuck that “a lady never kisses and tells” bullshit. Fuck that  “a lady does this” and “a lady does that”. Fuck being a lady. I’m a woman! A smart, complex, fun, sexual woman who can’t be put in a box (really if you think I am one type of person I will surprise you SO fast) and fuck anyone who doesn’t like it.

Where Have I BEEN?

Jesus Christ I haven’t been on here in FOREVER. I’m really slacking off. I need to start writing more. I have no excuses not to. Not that much has happened since my last posts, I have a boring life. I’m gonna make a commitment to write at least two posts per week unless I don’t have anything to talk about. I’m going to make this blog one of my priorities. You can quote me on that.

He’s shy. Too shy.

So there’s this guy I’ve been texting and talking to for a few weeks now and we haven’t had time to hang out or anything; until last night. We finally hung out and it was okay. We just walked around and talked to get to know each other better or whatever. It didn’t last long because he had things to do but he walked me to my dorm room and something weird happened. I didn’t realize I was waiting for a kiss but when I thought about it later, I was subconsciously doing it. I was just looking at him and waiting. He was laughing and was like you’re doing something I read about. You could tell he wanted to do something but he couldn’t. He finally pushed himself to grab me to kiss me and I lean it to meet him half way but I feel nothing. He stops. “What are you doing?” I said. He says something about he’s messed up with other girls because they push him to do things he doesnt want to. I tell him don’t do anything you don’t want to. He says ok and then tries to kiss me again. He finally does but it’s really awkward. He leaves and I call my friend to tell her about it. He texts me later and tells me he’s finish doing what made him leave early and then calls me and asks if I want him to come back. I tell him no and that’s ok. He seems really disappointed and we hang up.

         Now listen, I’m not the most experienced person, but damn a kiss? You can’t even kiss me? It’s just a kiss dude. I’m at this point in my life were I don’t want to deal with inexperienced people. I really want to get someone that knows everything and learn from him. I want to give him another chance and I probably will but it’s like I have too much going on in my life to deal with guys that are too shy to even kiss me. I don’t know. I’ll just go with the flow and let things happen. If anything else happens with him, yall will be the second to know (after my best friend I have to tell her first). I’ll keep you posted.

BEYHIVEEE

MyBeyHive

BEYHIVEEE

This is my first post, of course. This website is going to talk about the community I’m part of which is the Beyhive, the fanbase of Beyonce. This name is perfect for us because her nickname sometimes is Queen Bey so she’s our Queen Bee and we are like her worker bees who do all the dirty work for.  This blog is not meant to convince you to like Beyonce or explain to you what the BeyHive does. This blog is personal. I’m just going to sometimes address how I feel about Beyonce, the Beyhive and some of the criticisms we get. Anytime I feel like talking about Beyonce, I’ll come to this blog to do it. This is just my unstructured thoughts. Hope you like it.

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Lost my virginity!!!

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My blog virginity that is. This is my very first blog post. I’m going to share everything. Even though I’m putting it online this isn’t really for people to get to know me better. It’s really for me to get to know myself better.  I don’t expect people to read it and that’s ok. I’m doing to for myself. I’m challenging myself to open up more and this is the way I want to do it. This is going to be like a diary. I’m going to try and post everyday, but we’ll see how that goes. Welp! See you tomorrow!!!