A Black Woman’s Thoughts on Black Men Dating White Women


Is this thing on? I haven’t been on here in forever. College just started so I’m going to be less dedicated to this blog. But whatever I’m not here to talk about me.

I was on Twitter a few days ago and saw a link to an article (link is above) called “A White Woman’s Opinion On Black Men Not Dating Black Women.” Okay first of all that was a long ass title (now I realize my title is just as long lol). But the article starts off by this white women writing a letter to Sister 2 Sister magazine, saying how she’s married to a black man and he picked her because “because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage.” She goes on to say whenever her and her husband go out she gets rude looks by black women and she doesn’t understand why. She says black men are constantly approaching her, wanting to wine and dine her and if black women were so mad about this, then they should make some changes about themselves and blah blah blah the same white women bullshit that we always hear. In my opinion this lady was way too disrespectful for my taste.

So a black man responded to her and goes on to explain why he thinks black men date white women. He basically says black men date white women because they are easier to sleep with and easier to control. He says black men are afraid of a black women’s strength and fear that she will become more successful than them. He goes on to say he loves a strong, nurturing, and spiritual woman which is why he dates and loves black women and couldn’t see himself with any other race of women.

So now that I summed that up for you, let me put my 2 cents in.

Dear world,

First of all, I have no problem with interracial dating, specifically black men white women since that’s what we are talking about. Hell, I would DEFINITELY date a white or Hispanic guy in a heartbeat if I found one that was perfect for me. And most black women don’t have a problem with interracial dating either, despite how the media tries to portray us. We have a problem with WHY you date white women.

If you just were going through life and happen to meet a white woman and fall in love and you start a family and it’s just the most natural thing ever, that’s cool. Do you boo! But if you were going through life dating black women that whole time, come up in the world whatever kind of way, and get a white women because you feel like since your life upgraded you have to upgrade in the woman department too (as if upgrading means switching races), that’s what I have a problem with. If you date white women only because they are easier to control, suck dick more often, and don’t complain as much, that’s what I have a problem with.

First of all, all black women aren’t “strong”,  loud, annoying and less easier to control. How many black women you know let their man walk all over them and don’t stand up for themselves? There’s lots of them in case you didn’t know. And all white women aren’t “weak” either. I’ve met quite a few white women that don’t take any shit. But we aren’t talking about facts really, we are talking more about ideas and how these ideas translate into actions.

The idea that you want a women that’s easier to control doesn’t make any sense to me. The fact that you wan’t someone who’s easier to have sex with doesn’t make any sense to me. And lastly, the fact that these white women look at these things as compliments doesn’t make any sense to me. The disrespectful shit that white woman said about black women came from some black man. It didn’t come out the air. That man is downing black women so much and that white women takes it as the truth. She passes it on to her white friends and family and she has this distorted view of black women and she thinks since she got it from a black man then it has to be the truth right? Wrong. That’s the part that hurts the most for me.

The strong trait we black women have is a gift and a curse. Since the beginning of slavery we were forced to be strong. We held everything together. We were the mistresses, the maids, the cooks, the mothers, the everything. We didn’t have a choice. White women didn’t do shit but sit there and look pretty. The black women one of the most forgotten about (THE most forgotten about IMO) and most mistreated group. We are constantly told we aren’t good or pretty enough. Our hair and our skin are disgusting. The lighter and curlier the better. Don’t let us try to get weave. Even that’s not good enough. It has to be natural. Dark skin is cool for men, but not for women. During slavery and even now. So just like most traditions in the slavery time period, that strong character trait was instilled in us and we still carry it because even though slavery ended we still faced bullshit, even today. So that strength has been coupled with anger because if you were the most mistreated group of people wouldn’t that infuse anger in you? Yes we are mad, we are mad as hell and we should have the right to be mad. But we can’t. We have to forget about that and act like nothing’s wrong. We have to smile all the fucking time and God forbid we just have a normal look on our face. We are now the “angry black woman”.On top of the whole world being against us, you mean to tell me the black man can’t even relate? He can’t even understand where we are coming from? He doesn’t want to know where that anger comes from, he just doesn’t want to have anything to with it and turns his back on us. Obviously all black men don’t do this, just some do. Instead of realizing that that strong character trait could come in handy and has come in handy and is the reason why he’s survived this long, he goes and gets a white women because she’s suppose to make his life easier. I’m not with that bullshit.

Also after slavery, we still were everyone’s everything, especially the single mothers. At a certain point in time, black men starting leaving their families (for whatever reason) or gets the woman pregnant and leaves her alone the black woman is left alone to take care of the family herself. She doesn’t have time to cry and be weak and when she does, she hides it. She has to be strong and provide for hers. Being as this man left her, she doesn’t want to let anyone else in. She puts up a wall and doesn’t know how to be less independent because she had to be independent for so long. White feminist talk about independence as something they fight for. For so long independence was something black women had no choice but to accept. So while our strength can be a good thing and come in handy and has came in handy, it can also be a curse and get in the way. That’s something we have to work on, but it’s also something that black men have to work on with us because they played a part in creating that problem for so long.

I feel like all the reasons why black men want to date white women are insulting to both races and that’s the reason why black women are mad. We raised you. We’ve been there for you forever and will continue to. There are a lot of terrible black men out there for a number of reasons, but the “good ones” want to go be with a white one? Well what are we left with? All the white men in the world and you want to take the few good ones left for superficial reasons and he only wants you for superficial reasons (obviously I’m not talking about all white women and black men). It’s like black men don’t even want to have that conversation about how wrong they are and they don’t understand our anger and pain and don’t want to understand it. They just brush us off as hating and being “angry black women.”

Like I said before I would date interracially,  but it has to be for the right reasons. If I started dating a white or Hispanic guy and ask him why he likes black women and he says something disrespectful, that’s the last time we are talking. It’s okay if you like our hair and skin because they are unique and society tells you that it isn’t beautiful but you somehow find the beauty in it anyways. It’s okay to like our strength and sass and loyalty because we do have those traits. Those are great traits. But if you give a sexual reason or go on to list reasons why you hate white women and white people, then I’m not interested anymore. We can’t talk. That’s not attractive.

I also know that some white men say they like black women’s sass and strength and the “I’m not going to put up with your bullshit” trait. I don’t understand how one race loves what another race doesn’t. Maybe the opposites attract thing.

I’ve also noticed another thing. A lot of times when I see black men with white women, it’s the trashiest white women. They are fat and nasty and look like women that even white men don’t want. They look like throw aways. It’s like those black men just want a white women so bad they they will take anything. But when I see a white man with a black women a lot of the times, they are the highest quality of women. They are beautiful, have their shit together, most likely met and work and it’s a natural connection. It’s not superficial a lot of times.

Like I said before we aren’t mad at black men dating white women, we are mad at the reasons. Reasons that white women should be offended by. Open your fucking eyes. Realize the truth and stop getting your information from black men that probably hate themselves and their own race. Stop being disrespectful and stop letting them disrespect you. If you had more conversations with black women you would realize the truth, not the bullshit your man and the media tries to feed you.

Signed, A black woman who sick of disrespectful interracial couples

P.S. Sorry for it being so long I had a lot to say.